Time flys, am I right?!

Each month I start with every intention of sitting down to write out at least four posts a month. And each month that task gets replaced by other things. Grocery shopping, picking up the house, paying bills, yoga class, prayer, and so much more. With summer here and having the kiddos home with me all day, its been a struggle to find time for myself, but I know that is what I need! Writing has always been a way to calm myself, my schedule, my busy, and my thoughts. To find stillness.

Transformation. It’s been my word for 2019. So far many things in my life, that haven’t served me well, have been easily transformed. The big stuff... not so easily. For example, putting my children above my own self-care. This is hard, mom guilt sets in, “you can find spare time later” thoughts creep in, and the excuses pile up quick! Truth is, when I’m fully taking care of myself- everything else is easier. Life is easier to juggle. I’m in a better mood, which helps the whole family be more cohesive throughout the day. This is just one of those areas that needs some transformation this year. I’m a work in progress! Aren’t we all?

I need little breaks from the hustle and bustle of daily routine especially with all we had going on the last month of school and extracurricular activities (seriously though!!). Cannot believe we are halfway into June and we’ve only had a small number of rainless days in Oklahoma warm enough to swim or enjoy the parks. Yesterday was beautiful. We took advantage. We played outside. Planted some corn kernels (so fun to watch their imaginations run wild). Lastly, We went swimming with Breelyn’s bbf who is moving away this Saturday. It was sweet to watch them play and laugh and challenge each other to dive to the bottom for toys. My point is, it doesn't have to been a big planned event/vacation to make me stop and appreciate all that my life is right now. It’s challenging, it’s messy, it’s beautiful, and it’s mine. I am finding it’s the smaller things that just happen, that bring me the most joy. The super planned stuff... it makes me a stress bubble and even I don’t want to be around that!

I’m learning to let go of all the things I cannot and do not want to control. Establishing boundaries were they are necessary. Opening up to the possibility of opportunity and success where I least expect it. Leaning in to God’s word, His guidance (because I know I cannot do it on my own), and believing His Grace is all I need when I fail. Because I will fail. Everyday. I will fall short in one area or another, but I also know I have Grace to try again tomorrow. 

I want to hear from you... tell me. Where could your life use some transformation right now? What ways are your taking time for yourself this year?  

Hard times, Good people

First off, I cannot believe it is already August!! Where has the year gone already?! But I’m also grateful to be out of July.

For the last five years, it’s been a hard month full of memories of what once was, grieving in a healthy way, and coming around year after year to celebrate a life. This year was different. It was five, FIVE, years ago I lost my spouse and Breelyn’s daddy. It feels like so much time has gone by, and then too like it was yesterday I said goodbye and headed off to Dallas while he went to play golf!  Not only was July 2018 a month of memory, but also a month of more loss for my friends. We lost three friends in the span of two weeks. It is not easy to watch your friends hurt and be in pain that no one can take away. I know this pain all too well. There is shock, denial, grief and sadness. Truth be told, that’s really all there is for a while. And eventually you find peace, grace, love, honor, life, and hope. I say all of this not to create sadness for what is, but to bring awareness to discussing our loss with the people we love most. It’s never easy and it is by far the last thing we want to do when feeling sad. But quite possibly just talking about it more openly could have saved two friends lives this last month. 

I unknowingly wrestled with depression after Zack died. I stayed strong for Breelyn because she was so young- I had no other choice. But it wasnt until I truly got back on my feet that I realized how down I really was for many months. I slept longer than I needed, I sometimes never got out of my jammies, and I ate horribly. *and this was all okay for me to do- i lost one of the most important people in my life*  I enrolled into school at Wesleyan University and it brought God back into my life. My heart felt less heavy with each passing month and my life was (slowly) forever changed. Earlier this year I began a journey with Holy Yoga to become a yoga instructor. It puts Christ at the center of our practice vs the self. Currently, I am doing a discipleship group at church with some awesome women and I ran across a passage from Pope Benedict XVI that inspired me to make this post.

and the passage continued, but don’t we all strive to have happiness and joy in our lives. And to be Free!! Isnt it wonderful to know that Christ can and will bring us everything if we just open the door to let him in. Of course that sounds so easy, but it’s not. Everyday we have to continue to open those doors wider and deeper than the hinges will allow. Only we can open the doors, only we have the key.  We have to grow in our faith and life each day. We have to make the choice and no one can do that for us. 

This is the same with our life. Make a choice to strive for difference and change if you aren’t satisfied with the direction your life is heading. Alter your path and strive for better.  We all deserve the best that God has given us. If you aren’t a believer, that’s okay, you can still make changes. And why not give God a chance too- what do you have to lose? If nothing else, reach out to a friend or family member today who you know is hurting and could use some soul refreshing. Let yourself be the person they can lean on today. If your the one hurting, reach out to someone and tell them your story. 

Inspire change, create life, and choose freedom. 

Right where I’m meant to be

Have you ever thought to yourself or out loud... What am I supposed to do? Where do I belong in this world? What are my goals? Who am I? Oh the/my list could go on and on. 

The one I have been asking myself lately is “Is this where I am meant to be?” Am I doing the things God has planned for me or am I taking the longer path back to His?  

With more clarity over the last few weeks, and with intentional listening ears, God has let me know I am just where He needs me to be. And truly I have never felt more at ease allowing Him to work in my heart and soul the way He dreams of doing with each of us.

Nearly ten weeks ago I began a journey to become a yoga instructor. A dream/desire put in my heart long ago. The timing never felt right or things just never worked out the way I was planning (see that— the way I was planning.. not the way God was planning). I know now without a shred of doubt I needed to wait for my heart to be open to accepting God the way I do now. To wait and follow His timing for me to become a teacher when He knew I was ready for it. How do I know this? The program I joined was called Holy Yoga and to my surprise (no idea why- I knew it was about God!) we did a five week intense bible study focusing on our relationship with God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. My perspective changed, i changed, I have grown. So many times I used to say oh I dont have enough time to read the Bible or I don’t fully understand what I am reading so that takes me longer to read a section. Whatever my excuse was, that has changed. God makes time for us, ALL of us, everyday. Each time we call Him by name, He is there listening. 

Four weeks ago I began a discipleship group at my church with other ladies of our congregation. Some I had the pleasure of doing RCIA with over the last year, others I had never met, and still some that I met through attending church. At first, my thoughts told me I wasn’t knowledgeable enough about the Bible to join. I didn’t know the stories. I don’t know the order of the chapters of the Bible. I havent attended church long enough in my adult life to be a worthy member of the group- I lacked things to bring to the table. Truth is, none of those things matter/mattered. I was fearful, and scared- but embracing where God has lead me on my faith journey- I also knew better then to listen to the negativity that can envelope our world so quickly, instead I just did it. I jumped both feet in first and have enjoyed each class so much. I missed class last night because I was busy packing up all the fun things for our camping trip. When I woke up this morning at 6am (this isnt an everyday/anyday occurrence for me), all the last minute packing jitters subsided, and I yearned for the knowledge of being with those ladies last night. I wanted to know their thoughts and discussions from our lesson this week. 

Life isn’t always easy. Often times we aren’t where we are supposed to be. God loves us anyway and is so ready for us to jump back into His arms anytime we are ready. So... Embrace and rejoice in the valleys of life, that is where we grow! 

Are you where you’re supposed to be? Are you following your chosen path? What are you struggling with right now that is in your way? 

Individuality

In today’s society, as parents, we teach our children to be themselves and to not let people bully them into following the crowd just because its the “cool” thing to do. Ya know, kissing boys/girls, sex, drugs, smoking, alcohol, etc.  Yet, tonight at dinner Breelyn was made fun of by a little girl and her two brothers because she chose to wear a ballet dress with a tiny sparkle pink hat to dinner (I wore this hat at our Young Living beauty school event with 20 other ladies! Dare I say we looked fabulous?!-see photo below). It wasn’t hidden, Breelyn was aware they were laughing at her, and their parents said nothing to stop it. If my daughters or other children who I was responsible for (friends, family etc) were doing that, I would absolutely say something and make them apologize for their inappropriate behavior.

Here lies my dilemma... Am I frustrated at those little kids for their behavior? Or am I truly irritated by the lack of parenting going on? Truth is BOTH! How awful for those parents to sit there and not say a word to their own children making fun of someone sitting at the next table. We should teach them love, joy, respect, manners, kindness, and grace because these are the things God gives to us. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” (Colossians‬ ‭3:12‬ ‭NIV‬‬) And those kids won’t stand a chance in the real world when they are older if they continue their current behavior, because lets face it- they will continue if its not changed while they are young.  “Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” (Proverbs‬ ‭22:6‬ ‭NIV‬) Those parents are doing the biggest disservice to their children by allowing them to treat others that way. What happened to the old sayings “Treat others as you would like to be treated” or “if you can’t say anything nice, then dont say anything at all” 

I am in no way saying that my daughter is perfect, or that I am always the best version of a parent I can be. I do not claim to know everything or that I have this life figured out. Every day is a new challenge begging for God’s guidance. But what I am saying is in this moment- something needed to be said and corrected. I was not present at dinner tonight because I stayed home with our youngest who was sleeping for the night already (making teeth is hard work!). Regardless if this was happeneding to my daughter or not- it is not right. As a mom, I am so saddened that my child’s feelings are hurt and she may second guess wearing something because of fear of getting laughed at again. 

Have any of you encountered something like this? How did you respond? How did your child coop? Words of encouragement for me/her? Please!!

I will leave you with this to ponder...

 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians‬ ‭13:4-13‬ ‭NIV‬‬

 YL Beauty school 2018

Gratitude

God never gives you a season without a reason.

What season of life are you in right now?

Sometimes raising children isn’t easy (at least for me anyway). We try and try and never seem to measure up to what we think we should be as a parent. Comparing, relating, trying, failing, succeeding. Or maybe you are rocking it and feeling beyond confident that your kids are and will be the best. 

 Or maybe our marriage doesn’t quite look like we thought it would when we dreamt of it long ago. Or maybe it is the life you have worked so hard at and are sharing it with your best friend by your side. 

Or maybe we don’t see our life measuring up to what we had hoped it should be.  Or we are accomplishing our dreams and aspirations and yearning for much much morez 

Or maybe our friendships and relationships aren’t as strong a deeply connected as we want.  Or possibly they are just as perfect as you had hoped and you have the best of friends that you share life with. 

Whatever the case is for you on your life journey, it is so important to find Grace in the moments we have and share with others. It may not be perfect or look the way we dreamed, but it’s what our life is made of.

Parenting isn’t easy and every new day presents challenges that we must face and overcome. It also has so many joys that we also need to slow down and breath in before its too late. When your first kid is on the way EVERYONE tells you- time goes by so fast enjoy it. And to be honest you kind of roll your eyes at it... until one day you wake up and see your 5 year old dressed and ready for school and think (silently and in awe) all those people were right.

Marriage takes work EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. God didn’t intend for married life to be easy and happy and no work at all. He gave us every tool possible to search for Him and develop our marital bond into the strongest relationship we can possibly have with someone because of His love. Find a way to make your high seasons higher and your low seasons less frequent. Take the time to say I love you. Take the time to share, truly share, your life with your spouse— not just the every day hustle stuff. Remember every day why you chose them to spend forever with. 

Make your life goals a priority. So many moms (myself included) have gotten lost in being a mom or a wife or student or whatever title you have and we don’t know how to move forward into what our heart desires. This is sad for us! Take time in every day to discover who you are, what you enjoy, and what you desire from life. It WILL make you more patient, loving, caring, and present when younallow yourself a mental break from the grime and feed your soul. 

friendships.. oh y’all do i struggle with this one. It’s sad truthfully. We all of course live life and we are “busy”... but won’t we always be busy unless we MAKE the time for them? Isn’t it important to carve out time for ourselves, spouses, children, & our friends? These are the people we look to for guidance, comfort, laughter, and so much more. As I get older and I discover more about myself, I know just how much having a true friend that you can always call on means. Seek out friendships that challenge you to grow, be the best version of yourself, and are willing to catch you when you stumble (ya know, cuz you had too much wine!)

If we stop comparing our life to others or to a fairy tale, I am certain, we would all find our life is amazing and fulfilling in the ways that make our heart happy. Some of us love the beach, while others the mountains, and still others somewhere in between. 

Be grateful for every moment.

Give thanks to the good

Enjoy the little moments

Think of all the people you are grateful for, have you thanked them? Do they know how much they impact your life? What’s stopping you from telling them right now?

Mysterious

Life is a mystery, as in an unknown abyss of information given to us daily to process and sort and we never know what is next. There are opportunities for us to choose our daily path and the choices we make help to define who we are and what life we will lead. At any moment we can change our path and venture down a new one--a freedom we have been given by God. The curious adventurers and strong willed will thrive in the changing situations of our growing world. What about the meek and frail? Should the stronger be left to gather the weak and bring them along our journey or do we say "forget you"? 

Taking chances and being confident in the decisions we make is not always an easy task, but I believe I have lead myself out of what may not always be normal and easy. I succeeded with being happy, humble, energetic, adventurous, independent, and successful with each endeavor I have chosen. It was not ever supposed to be easy, but when I made the decision to live, and truly live, I was all in. Do you feel like you can conquer the world one day and then relax on the couch the next? Staying constant in our efforts to make little changes every day in our life and in the lives of others can be the "make or break" of exceeding normal. We absolutely try to bring those of less fortune and virtue into their own light. Because God made each of us, we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." 

Sometimes God has strange ways of telling us to go for it, but that is exactly what we have to do. There are moments we want to give up and be done with everything life throws our way. It is not that simple, life is not that simple. I have earned so much through my hard work and healthy attitude. I am so thankful for the opportunities I have in this life. I thank God every day that I wake up and get to spend another day with the people I love, doing the things I love. I am happy, I have all I need, and I know no one thing can take this from me. I wont allow it. The fighter in me will fight for what I deserve because I know it is mine to have. I proudly built the life I live. I worked to keep myself up and alive and out of the troubles of the world.

Will you fight for what you deserve?

Testing Faith (when it's all you have)

Faith is(may be) the absence of fear, belief without proof, to the religious it is trust in god (whatever he/she/it may be) to do what is best for you, love without boundaries, everlasting friendships.

How can someone loose faith? This is losing life...becoming angry with who you are and what you've become. Instead of loosing faith you have to put your faith in another place, not in people and not in things, but in yourself and in your heart. Faith cannot be created nor destroyed it just is--its the physics of life!

My favorite quote, one that has kept me positive and humbled in my faith is Exodus 14:14 which reads, The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still. In our world it is easy to get caught up in the hustle ‘n bustle of daily life, but if we can take a moment to be still and listen the Lord is caring for us all. He is with us in every choice we make, every path we chose, and every hello we say. So when you feel like you are losing your faith, be still. Listen. Embrace your future. Keep your faith.

If ever taken by the hand and asked to follow, would you? If told to trust and ask no questions, would you? If given the opportunity to turn back time if just for a moment, maybe to say something differently or to change something that you'd done, would you?

I honestly think that life has its higher purpose, even if there was a time machine that could take me back to when I was younger or to a certain time in my life, I would not use it. I have never been more humble in my life and i hope to continue to become more humble as i grow. I have had a great man in my life who I loved with my all my heart and soul; who took care of me and loved me for who I am, he gave me a wonderful daughter. Family and friends to make my days go a little smoother and make things more interesting. Attending a great school--trying to get that degree, and as the days go by doing more and more things that interest me and are benefiting myself as well as others.

So when asked if I would change anything in my past.. I wouldn't, everything in my past has lead me to enjoy all the wonderful things I have now. The past has taught me how to better myself in situations and I have learned from previous mistakes. When asked to hold a hand and follow, I will not. I will simply hold the hand and help to guide me (us) in the right direction. Hoping along the way things do not get too rough and we can always find our way to better places. If asked to trust and ask no questions, I would not. How can we live life without asking questions, like how or why? If you are ever in doubt of something, ask. Because from that you will learn, from that you will become a more knowledgable person.