Hard times, Good people

First off, I cannot believe it is already August!! Where has the year gone already?! But I’m also grateful to be out of July.

For the last five years, it’s been a hard month full of memories of what once was, grieving in a healthy way, and coming around year after year to celebrate a life. This year was different. It was five, FIVE, years ago I lost my spouse and Breelyn’s daddy. It feels like so much time has gone by, and then too like it was yesterday I said goodbye and headed off to Dallas while he went to play golf!  Not only was July 2018 a month of memory, but also a month of more loss for my friends. We lost three friends in the span of two weeks. It is not easy to watch your friends hurt and be in pain that no one can take away. I know this pain all too well. There is shock, denial, grief and sadness. Truth be told, that’s really all there is for a while. And eventually you find peace, grace, love, honor, life, and hope. I say all of this not to create sadness for what is, but to bring awareness to discussing our loss with the people we love most. It’s never easy and it is by far the last thing we want to do when feeling sad. But quite possibly just talking about it more openly could have saved two friends lives this last month. 

I unknowingly wrestled with depression after Zack died. I stayed strong for Breelyn because she was so young- I had no other choice. But it wasnt until I truly got back on my feet that I realized how down I really was for many months. I slept longer than I needed, I sometimes never got out of my jammies, and I ate horribly. *and this was all okay for me to do- i lost one of the most important people in my life*  I enrolled into school at Wesleyan University and it brought God back into my life. My heart felt less heavy with each passing month and my life was (slowly) forever changed. Earlier this year I began a journey with Holy Yoga to become a yoga instructor. It puts Christ at the center of our practice vs the self. Currently, I am doing a discipleship group at church with some awesome women and I ran across a passage from Pope Benedict XVI that inspired me to make this post.

and the passage continued, but don’t we all strive to have happiness and joy in our lives. And to be Free!! Isnt it wonderful to know that Christ can and will bring us everything if we just open the door to let him in. Of course that sounds so easy, but it’s not. Everyday we have to continue to open those doors wider and deeper than the hinges will allow. Only we can open the doors, only we have the key.  We have to grow in our faith and life each day. We have to make the choice and no one can do that for us. 

This is the same with our life. Make a choice to strive for difference and change if you aren’t satisfied with the direction your life is heading. Alter your path and strive for better.  We all deserve the best that God has given us. If you aren’t a believer, that’s okay, you can still make changes. And why not give God a chance too- what do you have to lose? If nothing else, reach out to a friend or family member today who you know is hurting and could use some soul refreshing. Let yourself be the person they can lean on today. If your the one hurting, reach out to someone and tell them your story. 

Inspire change, create life, and choose freedom. 

Gratitude

God never gives you a season without a reason.

What season of life are you in right now?

Sometimes raising children isn’t easy (at least for me anyway). We try and try and never seem to measure up to what we think we should be as a parent. Comparing, relating, trying, failing, succeeding. Or maybe you are rocking it and feeling beyond confident that your kids are and will be the best. 

 Or maybe our marriage doesn’t quite look like we thought it would when we dreamt of it long ago. Or maybe it is the life you have worked so hard at and are sharing it with your best friend by your side. 

Or maybe we don’t see our life measuring up to what we had hoped it should be.  Or we are accomplishing our dreams and aspirations and yearning for much much morez 

Or maybe our friendships and relationships aren’t as strong a deeply connected as we want.  Or possibly they are just as perfect as you had hoped and you have the best of friends that you share life with. 

Whatever the case is for you on your life journey, it is so important to find Grace in the moments we have and share with others. It may not be perfect or look the way we dreamed, but it’s what our life is made of.

Parenting isn’t easy and every new day presents challenges that we must face and overcome. It also has so many joys that we also need to slow down and breath in before its too late. When your first kid is on the way EVERYONE tells you- time goes by so fast enjoy it. And to be honest you kind of roll your eyes at it... until one day you wake up and see your 5 year old dressed and ready for school and think (silently and in awe) all those people were right.

Marriage takes work EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. God didn’t intend for married life to be easy and happy and no work at all. He gave us every tool possible to search for Him and develop our marital bond into the strongest relationship we can possibly have with someone because of His love. Find a way to make your high seasons higher and your low seasons less frequent. Take the time to say I love you. Take the time to share, truly share, your life with your spouse— not just the every day hustle stuff. Remember every day why you chose them to spend forever with. 

Make your life goals a priority. So many moms (myself included) have gotten lost in being a mom or a wife or student or whatever title you have and we don’t know how to move forward into what our heart desires. This is sad for us! Take time in every day to discover who you are, what you enjoy, and what you desire from life. It WILL make you more patient, loving, caring, and present when younallow yourself a mental break from the grime and feed your soul. 

friendships.. oh y’all do i struggle with this one. It’s sad truthfully. We all of course live life and we are “busy”... but won’t we always be busy unless we MAKE the time for them? Isn’t it important to carve out time for ourselves, spouses, children, & our friends? These are the people we look to for guidance, comfort, laughter, and so much more. As I get older and I discover more about myself, I know just how much having a true friend that you can always call on means. Seek out friendships that challenge you to grow, be the best version of yourself, and are willing to catch you when you stumble (ya know, cuz you had too much wine!)

If we stop comparing our life to others or to a fairy tale, I am certain, we would all find our life is amazing and fulfilling in the ways that make our heart happy. Some of us love the beach, while others the mountains, and still others somewhere in between. 

Be grateful for every moment.

Give thanks to the good

Enjoy the little moments

Think of all the people you are grateful for, have you thanked them? Do they know how much they impact your life? What’s stopping you from telling them right now?

Power of Love

Love is a strange, hard to explain, well it's an emotion. We feel it and we believe it is there, but at what point does it mean you are meant for someone, that you are soul mates? What defines the person we are "meant" to be with forever? Is it a connection? A friendship? The right attitude? Similar beliefs? Our interests?

Many believe our purpose in life is to ultimately procreate (maybe you are right). When we break it all down it appears we (humans) are all connected by our emotions. The institution of marriage itself is scary for most... I think instead  of wondering if it will last forever, you have to make it last with our/your conscious efforts and the willingness to give to your chosen partners. Marriage should always be a 50/50 balance between spouses. Life is not easy for anyone and love is not any easier. Why make it harder on ourselves?

I've previously been hurt many times by the “lust” of what the younger version of me felt what LOVE was. I'm sure we can all relate to the same situations. I no longer have the patience for the games people will play with each other because of what our society has played up the bachelor/bachelorette status to be. A challenge to a younger reader to have for their said love: Can you (the man) see inside me (no not literally), beyond my looks to find who I am and what I can be? The bigger question is, Will you? When you know beyond a doubt that the man/boy you love can see you for you, you've found a special one!

Love comes in all shapes an sizes. It is not just about loving someone as your significant other, maybe it is the love of a parent, grandparent, cousin, sibling, child, or a friend. oh, but a child's love is like no other. They have yet to discover the pains and heartaches that come and go through life. They know not what death is. Their love is pure and unconditional, and they long for your kind words and loving arms to wrap them up and make them feel safe. How can we show someone what love is that has been striped of love? I look around me every day and see the beauty of life and nature and wonder how some people can turn to violence and crime. Have you ever tried to imagine what kind of life people lead to become that way? Even stealing, raping, fighting, it is all something beyond my view of the world. I find it hard to believe people can be that selfish, but I also know there are things beyond control like addiction that can take over an amazing person and turn them into someone ugly, even they don't even recognize themselves anymore. Maybe I have a big heart or maybe I am naive, but either way I wish I could somehow reach out to those, who for a moment even consider doing such things, to show them what life can be like if they made a choice to take a different path. If only they step out of their current situation and look beyond... look at what could and can be. We should all work together to make it a place worth living in; a place we all can enjoy.

Do I know people that have turned to violence and a life of crime, yes. I love some of these people with all my heart. I want so much to change their world with a swish of a wand, but I have no magic powers and that would be too easy. I truly believe that only you can change who you are, where you are, and what you do in your life. You can look to others for support and encouragement. At the end of the day, only you can choose to make that change, only YOU. So if you know the same kind of people I speak of, and you love them, offer them love (not money, they can get a job or find work) and maybe you can help change the person they've become, the person they do not want to be. No need for lectures, I'm sure you've given them and they haven't really REALLY listened. No need for telling them about what they've done wrong, they know. No need for looking back on the past, rather focus on the future, because their future is worth it.

Leon Brown said, "The love you give today, is an investment in the future, for the future is seeded by what you sow today." It's never too late to Love.

Whatever the reason or the person you chose to love, I hope you do it with all your heart and give it 100%. Do you know someone who could use a little love and a lot less lecture?

This Video--LOVE IT

Testing Faith (when it's all you have)

Faith is(may be) the absence of fear, belief without proof, to the religious it is trust in god (whatever he/she/it may be) to do what is best for you, love without boundaries, everlasting friendships.

How can someone loose faith? This is losing life...becoming angry with who you are and what you've become. Instead of loosing faith you have to put your faith in another place, not in people and not in things, but in yourself and in your heart. Faith cannot be created nor destroyed it just is--its the physics of life!

My favorite quote, one that has kept me positive and humbled in my faith is Exodus 14:14 which reads, The Lord will fight for you, you only need to be still. In our world it is easy to get caught up in the hustle ‘n bustle of daily life, but if we can take a moment to be still and listen the Lord is caring for us all. He is with us in every choice we make, every path we chose, and every hello we say. So when you feel like you are losing your faith, be still. Listen. Embrace your future. Keep your faith.

If ever taken by the hand and asked to follow, would you? If told to trust and ask no questions, would you? If given the opportunity to turn back time if just for a moment, maybe to say something differently or to change something that you'd done, would you?

I honestly think that life has its higher purpose, even if there was a time machine that could take me back to when I was younger or to a certain time in my life, I would not use it. I have never been more humble in my life and i hope to continue to become more humble as i grow. I have had a great man in my life who I loved with my all my heart and soul; who took care of me and loved me for who I am, he gave me a wonderful daughter. Family and friends to make my days go a little smoother and make things more interesting. Attending a great school--trying to get that degree, and as the days go by doing more and more things that interest me and are benefiting myself as well as others.

So when asked if I would change anything in my past.. I wouldn't, everything in my past has lead me to enjoy all the wonderful things I have now. The past has taught me how to better myself in situations and I have learned from previous mistakes. When asked to hold a hand and follow, I will not. I will simply hold the hand and help to guide me (us) in the right direction. Hoping along the way things do not get too rough and we can always find our way to better places. If asked to trust and ask no questions, I would not. How can we live life without asking questions, like how or why? If you are ever in doubt of something, ask. Because from that you will learn, from that you will become a more knowledgable person.